Things are looking good for the Physics department of Florida Poly. Once rated the worst department of any organization anywhere in human history; they are now boasting record high averages in their first test of the semester. The average went up 15% from last semester to a total of 6%. In other statistics, the Head of the department only called 18 students a moron this semester compared to 72 in the spring and only 50% of students have dropped the class (so far). With this amazing success, most people are wondering what Physics has up their sleeve for the next test.

Most students won’t get their grades till early next year as your professor is busy laughing at you to finish giving you an F.

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David Kozdra

David Kozdra is a computer science student at Florida Polytechnic University. He is the Treasurer of the Media Club, Head of Outreach of the Baked Bean Bois improv group, and the Cohost of the Poly Pod podcast.

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